Or perhaps a better title, would it not be a copyright infringement might be – “Oops, I Did it Again”? Thank you Britney, for you have given me a lifetime mantra that pretty much sums up my many learning curves over the years. Thanks for stopping by and if you are thinking this is going to be a debate, lecture or how to on “masking”, you can rest easy… NOPE! This is less about how to or why for and more about ….well….the challenges presented in forming new habits. Self analysis can be a useful tool when there is nobody else home and sometimes I wonder where the hell I am as well.
Having been obediently “masking” for almost a year now, I am painfully aware that I still don’t have the pandemic practice nailed down. You see, twice this week, I have sauntered through the halls of my condo and made it all the way to my car before realizing that I was showing face the whole time! It’s not for lack of masks – nay. I have a handful of masks that get laundered weekly and hang right beside my front door. Many of these even have straps so they can rest securely on my chest when I’m alone on a dark west coast highway and I wish to feel the cool wind on my whole face. There really is no excuse…
And if I am totally transparent, I guess I am not super surprised either as more often than not, I find myself pushing a shopping cart through the store while trying to remember what was written on the shopping list that I forgot on the kitchen counter. It’s become kind of like a game of memory now…I am always curious to get home and see if my purchases look anything like my intention. Good thing I am flexible in my menu planning.
Also a good thing, that I keep a stash of disposable masks in my glove compartment for just such emergencies. Having never been a Girl Scout, I am surprised that “being prepared” has been one of my core values ever since I can remember. It is rare that I leave home without all the provisions I might need should my well intended plans get derailed. There is something deeply fulfilling about producing a well timed corkscrew when you are sitting around the campfire and you realize that juicy bottle of red is not a screw cap. But I digress…masking is here to stay for awhile and I can do better.
I do miss faces and I am painfully aware that the masks we wear present significant barriers to reading non verbal cues when communicating. As I am in the helping profession, it does present challenges if you are having a difficult conversation and can’t see the tremble of the lip before the scales tip into tears. I am having to learn to look deeper into the eyes and rely more on intuition when communicating.
The other reality is that anyone new that comes into my life right now will just look “odd” unmasked and I am not sure when I will be ready for that level of intimacy. I’ve had a new coworker for over a month now and she let her mask drop the other day and I found myself realizing that she looked nothing like I had imagined her to look like! I will never be able to pick her out in a crowd right now unless she is well masked. There are other’s that I meet in my weekly pottery groups who I may never forge a connection with as I always do better with faces than names. Sigh….
Connection. We may have lost face but we are still in the race. I am grateful for each day I have on this earth and do not take this life for granted. A microscopic virus has disrupted life as we know it on a global scale and we are still in the sorting hat when it comes to lasting outcomes. The wee children on this planet have already been permanently affected as conditioning is soaked up like Spongebob on the big screen while those of us with other scripts scramble to make sense and adapt.
The only way through this is to embrace the “what is” and rise up to the challenge. Getting dressed in the morning and masking up is now part of putting the outfit together in the same way that picking an accent scarf used to be. I choose not to mask out of fear but to mask with respect and empathy for others. We will get through this and we will save face in the end by being calm, kind and safe.
Now, where did I put those car keys….
The Laughing Heart
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
— by Charles Bukowski
anewthreshold.org 