anewthreshold.org

Thank you Covid 19. There is nothing like a global pandemic to shake a person out of a forty year “one day I will get to it” procrastination streak. It was mid March when our world order screeched to a halt and sent everyone home with a note to self isolate. I found myself shut inside a one bedroom condo with nowhere to go to burn off of a dichotomy of emotions. Part of me was excited in the anticipation of change that we so badly need to happen if humanity is going to survive; the other part of me was trying to ease the clutch on the “WTF is happening” anxiety that always accompanies a sense of “beyond my control” chaos.

Socrates is credited with the quote: “An unexamined life, is not worth living”. Never having shied away from self examination, I am a brutal self critic. Much of my early life focussed on finding equilibrium, my middle years investigated equality and as I slide into the golden years, my compass is set on equanimity. That being said, peace is like the brass ring on the merry go round; the more we focus on the ring, the less present we are to the ride. Never one to shy away from a challenge, it is totally my nature to try to resolve the conundrum of peace in the eye of a shit storm.

When Covid came knocking, it was exactly the wake up call I needed to realize that mortal time is limited. While wrestling with the cognitive dissonance of a new reality, I set upon a personal life inventory. With gratitude, if I did die tomorrow, I have no complaints. It’s been a good life, a privileged life. I have my health, plenty of food, a meaningful job; I am proud Mother of two inspiring humans and Grandmother to four young laddies who are a constant reminder of the Joy that accompanies “just being”. But there was a niggling hint of regret… if I did die tomorrow…I would be leaving behind an artist’s dream yet un-manifested and a closet full of art supplies that were on hold for “someday”… It was time to answer the freaking door.

I’ve been crushing on watercolours since I first met them in high school; their vibrant nature fascinates me. We have flirted a few times over the past 40 years but I always felt they were out of my league. They can be an unforgiving and unpredictable medium best worshipped from a distance. Every now and then we would dance but it always ended badly with one of us running off the page and the other out the door. I found my solace in pencil and oils which were more adaptable to my many moods and much easier to manipulate.

So when Covid came through the door, it brought a few bags to be opened and sorted along with an old friend named Epiphany; Epiphany is a loud bitch that hates to be ignored. If you ignore her, she gets a little passive aggressive and tends to sulk and go into hiding for awhile. Epiphany pointed out that the only thing preventing my union with watercolours was my own fear of failure; one cannot get proficient in anything without a willingness to practice. Epiphany threw down a challenge and I took the bait.

On March 21, 2020, the first Pan Doodle was born and I vowed that I would do a watercolour doodle for each day of the pandemic. In my naivety, it seemed like a good idea at the time; how was I to know that Covid would be around for more than just a few months? In my defence, I did manage a doodle a day for the duration of lockdown anyway! Seventy four pan doodles were born in total and what transpired as a result of sharing them on Social Media was nothing short of heart warming…..

This was the true essence of the art of connection. Old friends as well as new friends began to show up daily and express appreciation for the sharing of the journey and with each Pan Doodle, my skills and my confidence grew. I could feel the “Artist” in me growing stronger and breathing freely. As a bonus, every now and then someone would fall in love with an image and I began excursions to the post office to ship the Pan Doodle off to a new home. I know that each and every pan doodle that found a home holds meaning to those who received them and in that, we are eternally connected in these strange days of Covid.

My little condo has now been converted to an art studio. My easels are up and canvases are primed. The oils are asking for equal time and the muses are stirring a caldron of inspiration. Covid has unleashed the artist who was always waiting for someday….

The time is now.

May peace be with you.

The Swan

Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?

Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air –

An armful of white blossoms,

A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned

into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,

Biting the air with its black beak?

Did you hear it, fluting and whistling

A shrill dark music – like the rain pelting the trees – like a waterfall

Knifing down the black ledges?

And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds –

A white cross Streaming across the sky, its feet

Like black leaves, its wings Like the stretching light of the river?

And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?

And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?

And have you changed your life?

~ Mary Oliver