You can build an image, brand your life, find your tribe, and tweet your heart out on social media and still question the validity of life. Over recent years, the shocking news of high profile suicides shines a bright light on just how veneered our lives can become. By societal standards, celebritydom marks an achievement that many people aspire to; fame and fortune are hypothetically correlated to contentment yet these recent actions beg an inward examination on our relationship with happy.
Ask most people what they are looking for out of life and most will answer that they just want to “be happy”. Ask those same people if they have achieved it and you will likely get a reply that resembles “I will be happy when….”. We keep chasing rainbows but never seem to find the elusive pot of Skittles. Skittles – the ultimate happy pill? Wait now…that is gold.
Much of mainstream practice is that money can buy happiness by way of acquisition. While external sources can certainly provide a short term blissful hack by triggering feel good neurotransmitters, there is a limit to how much “happy” money can buy and how long it lingers. Same goes for wrapping our careers and relationships with the contentment cloak; extrinsic happiness is always conditional. This would suggest finding a different source for the happy wellspring.
It is easy to get lost in the conditioning that we see reflected in prevailing media. We are influenced by every movie we watch, every pod cast we listen to, every ad we see and every book we read. As children, we are spoon fed societal norms whilst being shaped by intergenerational stories and beliefs. Both perpetuate living inside the very same boxes as our ancestors. We aspire to a moral code, (be good), max out our education (get a job) and seek our soul mates (find love) in order to fulfil our rites of passage resumes. We may fill in the blanks with a variety of expressions but our priorities primarily centre around working through the bottom four levels of Maslow’s Pyramid. It could be said that our self esteem is dependant on our ability to provide for our basic physical needs, find safe and secure shelter and perpetuate a social life. But is that all there is my friend? What happens when this is achieved and we are still left wanting?
Somewhere back in 2000, I began a conversation with myself that led to an ongoing awakening process compelling me towards brutal self inquiry. It started with a realization that by all societal standards, the life I had built should have lead to an abundance of celebrated felicity; instead, I felt lonely, confused and empty. In facing this truth, I realized that my existence was based on following a scripted version of a dream; I had bought the upgraded fantasy package but it did not come with a money back guarantee. At that point, the illusion evaporated and, like Bilbo Baggins, I set off on a long journey of reclamation. While I was not quite sure when I last saw it, I wanted my birthright measure of joy back.
In true dhar fashion, I leapt into the abyss with nothing but a pocket full of trust. There was a whisper on the breeze but no map. My compass needle spun wildly in both directions as if magnetic North kept shifting; it did, and continues to do so even today. Short of navel gazing in some Himalayan cave, I have looked under every stone and climbed some pretty steep trails in search of delight. Admittedly, I am an experiential learner and it seems that only after stripping away all possible avenues of extrinsic fulfillment, could I finally begin to sense a glimmer of the truth. I have embraced the elusive “crack”; thank you Leonard for the affirmation.
The light resides within each and every one of us but we often lose our way and become so acclimatized to the darkness that it dims our perception of life. Deepak Chopra states that true happiness is our intrinsic nature and we can tap that eternal joy-spring by a practice of heart based observance. From that silent inner space within, simply observe and begin to question everything you think. As you get deeper into the practice you will soon see that our thoughts are the highest form of trickery; the real magic happens when we stop believing the narrator in our head.
This practice requires a shift of mindset and a willingness to be able to sit in discomfort. To get to the “happy”, you may have to sift through and reframe the “crappy”. Acceptance and mindfulness are key. It would be wonderful to report that I am no longer talking to myself, but the conversation continues as the mystery implodes. There is no turning back…
A Moment of Happiness
Rumi
A moment of happiness,
you and I sitting on the verandah,
apparently two, but one in soul, you and I.
We feel the flowing water of life here,
you and I, with the garden’s beauty
and the birds singing.
The stars will be watching us,
and we will show them
what it is to be a thin crescent moon.
You and I unselfed, will be together,
indifferent to idle speculation, you and I.
The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar
as we laugh together, you and I.
In one form upon this earth,
and in another form in a timeless sweet land.
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