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Inspiration, comes often in the early hours before my eyes open; this morning it arrived accompanied by Tina Turner. Somewhere in the space of awake and asleep, cogs began turning, which eventually engaged my mind. My slumber infused consciousness landed on the repetitive phrase “what’s love got to do with it?”. Around and around the hamster wheel it churned inviting awareness to wake up and play. Looking at the clock and seeing the way too early hour, my first response was to roll over and go back to sleep; however, the hook was in and the fish played the line.

Buddhists would call it monkey mind, psychologists would likely want to explore some level of OCD, but this morning I realized that this was my muse and she was calling me to get my butt out of bed and start writing. Apparently my higher self has booked Friday mornings as a writing day and this was my wake up call.

So my answer, dearest Tina, is that LOVE has absolutely everything to do with everything, but it often has little to do with what we think it does. Love is everywhere and in every opportunity but too often we are looking for love to come to us in a reflection from another in the form of words, actions and promises. We mistake the absence of this reflection for the absence of love. No validation = not worthy. End of story.

Unfortunately, and often to no fault of our own, we may have the love formula backwards. Like lost sheep, we wander the universe with our hearts set on creating, sensing and attracting external validation of love. Picture a magnet if you will. You put the magnet in a pile of nails and they all stick to it. Good magnet! We are happy because we have just validated the magnet. Now put that same magnet in a pile of fluffy feathers and watch it fail. Do we then blame the magnet? Not likely, but how many of us are walking wounded because we have not “attracted” a significant other or received a daily reminder of adoration from friends and family? Or maybe the daily reminders are there but we just can’t recognize them because our own idea of what love is does not look like “that”.

We have been programmed with a specific idea of what love is supposed to look like and we have blinders on. It is somewhat like travelling Europe without a translator or a roadmap. You find yourself in the heart of France, dissatisfied, while surrounded by delicious croissants and delicate wines because your love has to look like pizza and prosecco . You will likely spend your whole vacation hoping to eventually stumble upon Italy while missing all the immediate beauty that surrounds you.

Love begins with self and radiates out, not the other way around. To need external validation of love is like living in a dark closet waiting for someone else to come and flick the light switch that is within your own reach. We sit in the darkness waiting for the light to come on not realizing that if we just got out of the damn closet and opened the door, we would be bathed in full sunlight.

I speak to this, as self love has been my life work. Only now, as I begin to close out my fifth decade, have I come to a place of peace and compassion for love. Love is many things to many people but essentially self love is a gentle act of rebellion against a world that would convince you that you will never be good enough no matter how hard you try. You will never be rich enough, skinny enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough because if you are, there is nothing more to sell you.

All that you seek is truly within you. Have compassion for the one who seeks and embrace all the messy moments, detours, learning curves and complete and total craziness this life delivers.

This is my personal practice for 2018. I promise to love, honour and respect myself from this day forward. I will judge less, marvel more and stop listening to negativity from all sources including my own self talk. I will nourish my body with foods that build and promote wellness. I will move my body in ways that keep it limber and strong. I will internalize love and carry it with me as I walk in the world. And most of all, I will remember that this world does not always make sense, but I am going to show up anyway……

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

Happy New Year! 1/7/18